All I can remember by the age of 36 was that after taking a few too many ambitious risks, I was facing ruin. I was going through bankruptcy, depression and alcoholism in a triple whammy of - What the funk is happening?
I attended meetings at AA, which, after a second attempt, finally started to get my mind clearer, but for those of us who have given up alcohol - will attest to the fact that there is a tremendous identity crisis about to hit, upon sobriety. Well, there was in my case.
I honestly felt for the first year that I didn't even know who I was without alcohol - and I had realised that it had controlled me so comprehensively for the best part of 22 years.
The come-down was vile and incapacitating.
I then sunk in a vacuous emotional black hole for about 4 -5 years before I knew how I was supposed to start living my life again.
I just thought that feeling like emotional shit was a normal part of being an entrepreneur. It was only when a girlfriend at the time mentioned that I was probably going through depression, that I finally realised I likely had it, I just didn't know how to break out of it.
The ego also has a way of wallowing in misery and feeding the BS. I had to learn that feeling like shit is a choice. You can actually decide to feel better and create positive thoughts if you work at it.
I started to read more about the ego and to start meditating, although it felt completely unnatural for me, but it did help.
The following 4 years were just about getting through the days, trying to understand what I had done and how I could have lost everything in my life, due to the risks I had taken and actually owning up to having an addiction.
I didn't realise it then also but I've since realised that doing sport is a form of waking meditation. Burning off the energy helps to calm my thoughts during and after exercise.
At 41 I knew I needed to leave Europe for Asia to feel inspired again and totally reboot my system and psyche. I had visited Thailand at 23 as part of a gap-year travel thingy blah blah and I'd always wanted to see how life could be there, as an expat, but this time sober.
Bangkok or bust
Steve and I met at a language school I was working at in Bangkok, where Steve was studying Thai and I was managing language programs for foreigners. I had always noticed that Steve looked in great shape, and had a confident aura as he carried himself. Little did I know how I would be so positively impacted by him. This was around September of 2018.
We soon started chatting, about health, marketing, gym training, nutrition and psychology and, of course as expats, what brought us to Bangkok.
Within a few conversations it became very clear that Steve has an incredible amount of experience in the health, and fitness and martial arts industries - being able to advise upon a wide range of topics, having had a busy client list running back many years, while working in the UK.
I would say that my health and fitness levels before meeting Steve were certainly not optimal, and I had definitely allowed some bad eating habits to creep in. I had been experimenting with veganism and let's just say, living in a motel for the first 6 months, with no gym, didn't exactly do me any favours.
One saving grace, however, was that the park was 20 minutes away, so I'd get there to train as often as I could.
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